Mid-Day Update 10:05:2007

Mood: Beautiful
Music: J. Holiday – Bed
Notes: Just hover your mouse over links, a small window will pop up to show you what the link is, okies? Bien bien.

I have no clue why this song makes me feel so beautiful… docile… quiet. This song is absolutely amazing. I heard it on the radio tonight and haven ‘t listened to anything but this song since. [It’s been about two hours, seriously]

Yeah part of it probably has to do with the subject matter [of course, crazies], but also the video is crazy.  He’s really sexy too.  Didn’t we go through this with Elliott Yamin a few weeks ago?  I think we did [LAUGHS].  Once I hear a song I really like, I listen to it until I’ve worn it out… or at least until I know the words and harmonies to it.

So I’m feeling better… better than yesterday, that’s the truth.

I had my cry, had my moment of crying and realised I needed to grow up and just live with the things that happen.  I can’t make him stop calling, and I can’t control his reasonings for it.  All I can control is my reaction.  I love that man dearly and I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to him, but I don’t want to hear his voice for a long time.  I don’t want to read his words, and I surely don’t want my heart to have to feel the consequences of letting him back inside my life in any way, if even for a moment.

I guess that’s the best thing I could do.

The thing that blows my mind the most, I guess… is that his new girlfriend was everything he wanted.  She’s thin, whereas I’m chunky [and was fat when he met me].  She lives in his area and I don’t.  She’s a model, and I’m not.  I assume she’s fairly submissive, from what he’s said to me, and I’ve never been submissive a day in my life.  I don’t know what to think, truly.  I mean, if it was my deal, and I found exactly what I wanted, I don’t think I’d ever call my ex again.  If I knew that my ex wasn’t what I wanted, I mean.

I mean, it would be different if I had disappeared off the face of the earth, I can understand wanting to check on me, but I haven’t done that.  I’m still in the same place I’ve been for a while now.  So, it can’t be that he was afraid I was hurt or dying.  He asked if I was okay, but I’ve done nothing to intimate that I’m not okay… not in any of my blogs at all.

So I don’t really know why he’s trying to get in touch with me… I do know, however, that maybe his girlfriend might want to step her love game up, and that would keep him from calling me at all.  I know what he needs, and I know he’s not getting it.  If he was, he wouldn’t have ever gotten in touch with me.

a n y w a y . . .

I’ve been voice-blogging a lot too, and as soon as I have my website up, I’ll be embedding those voice blogs inside my text blog, for those entries when I just don’t feel like typing.  I have those days, which is why my voice blog is flourishing right now.

Man I love this song!
Check you guys l8z~
-Geisha

Learning Japanese with Geisha-San 10:01:2007

Mood: Reflective
Music: We Can’t Be Friends – Deborah Cox f. R.L.
Notes: I hope you’re doing well.

So I’ve decided I want to learn to speak Japanese.  Fluently.  It sounds so musical, so rhythmic… so beautiful.  I want to learn to speak it fluently.  If anyone has any tips, feel free to contact me.

Also, I’ve decided that I want to start an advice page on my new site, but I don’t know that anyone would really use it.  <laughs>

Have I been working?  Yes I have, and I’ve come away with something I realised I’ve always thought, but now have the complete words to express it.  I despise people who are not okay with their fantasies and fixations, but still want to engage in them so badly that they need someone like me to make it okay for them.  I hate that.

If you want to think about your homoerotic fantasies involving your best guy friend from college, just think about it.  Don’t call me and tell me a crap story about him assaulting you so that you can handle your business to it.

Why can’t people be okay with themselves?  Why do they need to lie and make it a situation where they were “forced” to do something, basically taking all responsibility away from themselves?

I despise that.

I’m EXHAUSTED you guys, I’ll be back later today.
Matane,
-Geisha