Mood: Beautiful
Music: J. Holiday – Bed
Notes: Just hover your mouse over links, a small window will pop up to show you what the link is, okies? Bien bien.
I have no clue why this song makes me feel so beautiful… docile… quiet. This song is absolutely amazing. I heard it on the radio tonight and haven ‘t listened to anything but this song since. [It’s been about two hours, seriously]
Yeah part of it probably has to do with the subject matter [of course, crazies], but also the video is crazy. He’s really sexy too. Didn’t we go through this with Elliott Yamin a few weeks ago? I think we did [LAUGHS]. Once I hear a song I really like, I listen to it until I’ve worn it out… or at least until I know the words and harmonies to it.
So I’m feeling better… better than yesterday, that’s the truth.
I had my cry, had my moment of crying and realised I needed to grow up and just live with the things that happen. I can’t make him stop calling, and I can’t control his reasonings for it. All I can control is my reaction. I love that man dearly and I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to him, but I don’t want to hear his voice for a long time. I don’t want to read his words, and I surely don’t want my heart to have to feel the consequences of letting him back inside my life in any way, if even for a moment.
I guess that’s the best thing I could do.
The thing that blows my mind the most, I guess… is that his new girlfriend was everything he wanted. She’s thin, whereas I’m chunky [and was fat when he met me]. She lives in his area and I don’t. She’s a model, and I’m not. I assume she’s fairly submissive, from what he’s said to me, and I’ve never been submissive a day in my life. I don’t know what to think, truly. I mean, if it was my deal, and I found exactly what I wanted, I don’t think I’d ever call my ex again. If I knew that my ex wasn’t what I wanted, I mean.
I mean, it would be different if I had disappeared off the face of the earth, I can understand wanting to check on me, but I haven’t done that. I’m still in the same place I’ve been for a while now. So, it can’t be that he was afraid I was hurt or dying. He asked if I was okay, but I’ve done nothing to intimate that I’m not okay… not in any of my blogs at all.
So I don’t really know why he’s trying to get in touch with me… I do know, however, that maybe his girlfriend might want to step her love game up, and that would keep him from calling me at all. I know what he needs, and I know he’s not getting it. If he was, he wouldn’t have ever gotten in touch with me.
a n y w a y . . .
I’ve been voice-blogging a lot too, and as soon as I have my website up, I’ll be embedding those voice blogs inside my text blog, for those entries when I just don’t feel like typing. I have those days, which is why my voice blog is flourishing right now.
Man I love this song!
Check you guys l8z~
-Geisha
Reluctant Geisha 