You hurt me in so many ways, but the one thing that sticks out in my mind is that you encouraged me to work on the phones. When I told you it was hurting me, you acted as if I was being immature – stupid even… for not wanting to feel like a whore – not wanting to be used every moment of every day.
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Dear You: 05:04:2009
Reliving Heydays of Whoredom 04:25:2009
I’ve just finished editing the first part of the manuscript before actually sending it off to an editor – spell checking, adding parts, subtracting others – and I’m remembering why I left phone sex.
I’m feeling good about it too.
Let me tell you something: There’s not a prostitute in the world who wants to think about semen before she has breakfast.
I’m gonna go ahead and equate my whole life to breakfast right here. I know you know what I’m talking about.
-SF
What’s the point of trying to hurt me? 10:05:2007
Mood: angry
Music: Me Myself and I – Beyonce
Notes: Whatever man.
Now that I’ve done all this, I don’t even want to talk about it. Seriously.
I thought I could be his friend, at first. I care about him, and I don’t want anything to happen to him. That seemed to me, like the mark of “friendship” and that I would be okay, struggling through the crap to be his friend.
Weeks ago, I asked him to call me for something. 1 1/2 Months ago, I even asked him to look here and tell me what he thought. He didn’t do either thing, though he did look at it for 5 minutes 4 days ago. He tried to message me every day for the last four days, about “nothing” [which I don’t really believe].
But after what happened last time we talked, I didn’t want to talk with him at all.
What happened last time… well here’s what happened last time. I talked to him about a situation. He said “why don’t you call me?” and of course I was dumb enough to call him, because I’m his “friend” and “friends” talk, don’t they?
As soon as he picked up the phone, he and a girl start laughing and he says, “I have to go, I’m about to have sex with my girlfriend,” and she yells, “yeah and it’s good too!”
As if I didn’t know that? The more important questions are:
1. Do I care?
2. Why does she need validation from me?
3. Shouldn’t you question the layout of your relationship if you need to use a stranger to get some sort of enjoyment from one another?
I later told him I understand her being threatened, and he then said “I just said that to you because she wanted me to tell you that she’s my girlfriend.”
Why do I matter? LOL Silly broad. Who cares if I know that you’re his girlfriend, that doesn’t affect anything because I don’t want him anyway. If he’d never met you ,we still wouldn’t be together. I think that’s the important thing.
so anyway, a while passes and all of a sudden 4 days ago he’s “checking” on me and “wondering” about me, and “has a feeling” that I’m “not okay.”
Whatever.
And 10 hours later, he’s still texting me, and cursing in messages, being seriously upset. Out of exasperation [I really do hate to text message], I dial his number and say, “What do you need cos I don’t want to txt anymore.”
He says, “I don’t need anything , I have to go.”
Motascoota… haven’t you been texting me rapidly back and forth for the last two hours? Now magically at this moment you’re busy?
I mean… are we seriously that immature? Is it really like that?
And then I wonder why I forgot that I realised a month and a half ago that we were never going to be friends.
Yeah, I did say that I cared for him, and that we were cool, and that he could call me if he had a problem or needed help. Well guess what? I changed my mind that day he decided to use me so he could let that chick know the status of their relationship. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
No contact is always better, I’m realising that now.
-G