Asexual Sexuality or “Who Am I?” 09:03:2009

Mood:Laughing
Listening To: Ledisi
Notes: I’d pass you one but I think the substitute will take it and read it in front of everyone. I hate that.

Learning Japanese with Geisha-San 10:01:2007

Mood: Reflective
Music: We Can’t Be Friends – Deborah Cox f. R.L.
Notes: I hope you’re doing well.

So I’ve decided I want to learn to speak Japanese.  Fluently.  It sounds so musical, so rhythmic… so beautiful.  I want to learn to speak it fluently.  If anyone has any tips, feel free to contact me.

Also, I’ve decided that I want to start an advice page on my new site, but I don’t know that anyone would really use it.  <laughs>

Have I been working?  Yes I have, and I’ve come away with something I realised I’ve always thought, but now have the complete words to express it.  I despise people who are not okay with their fantasies and fixations, but still want to engage in them so badly that they need someone like me to make it okay for them.  I hate that.

If you want to think about your homoerotic fantasies involving your best guy friend from college, just think about it.  Don’t call me and tell me a crap story about him assaulting you so that you can handle your business to it.

Why can’t people be okay with themselves?  Why do they need to lie and make it a situation where they were “forced” to do something, basically taking all responsibility away from themselves?

I despise that.

I’m EXHAUSTED you guys, I’ll be back later today.
Matane,
-Geisha

Are you worth it? 09:20:2007

Mood: Exhausted
Music: Maroon 5 – Wake Up Call
Notes: I have been awake for almost 24 hours now. If I ramble, forgive me. If you can’t forgive me, keep it to yourself.

CHARLIE MURPHAHHH!

No I really do love Dave Chappelle, and I always will love his comedy and talent. As racist as it is sometimes, I can’t help but laugh out loud at his sketch comedy. I miss Chappelle’s Show. I wish it was still going, but I guess better to end something good than to let it die a slow, agonising, unfunny death.

So I took some photos, and in two weeks I have an actual appointment to do a conservative shoot, just some cute photos. It’ll be very cute I’m sure, but I’m desperate to find someone who will do some edgy photos with me, I guess I’ll just have to wait until I relocate to do all the funky stuff.

I voice blogged on my snapvine about self worth… It’s been on my mind something serious for the past few days. I just… I was talking about how all the women who I used to train for phone work would inevitably end up calling me and telling me how one of the supervisors yelled and said they were worthless or some other such tripe.

The saddest part of it all: Most of them believed it. They’d call me at ungodly hours and say, “I suck at this job! So and so told me I’m worthless and can’t even do this job right.” I mean, it blew my mind how they would actually believe it, and let it affect how they did their jobs. I thought to myself [and still do to this day] I will never let something someone says to me affect either: how I see myself and/or the numbers on my paychecks. My life just doesn’t work that way.

I hope none of you feel like you’re not worth it. I hope you know exactly how worth it you are. Because you are worth it, and you should treat yourself like that.

Work you say? Yes, I’ve been working… and it’s been… uhm… creepy? [LAUGHS] Really creepy. Crossdressers and foot fetishists galore! A veritable smorgasboard of the most deviant fantasies and activities one could dream, that’s what my work week has been like. [LAUGHS LOUD]

I’ve never, though [I’ll say this much], understood why so many people need to attribute responsibility for their fantasies to someone else, in order to be okay with them. For example, the guys who like to steal panties… they [without fail] always say, “Do you want me to steal my wife’s/neighbor’s/insert creepy female relation here’s panties? Do you want me to wear them?”

Part of me wants to say, “You are already wearing them, why make it as if I’m pushing you to this place?”

But I never do. I never do. I want to do it… but I never do.

Love to each and every one of you,
-Geisha

I’m Quitting… 08:30:2007

Mood: Thinking
Listening To: Timbaland f. Keri Hilson – The Way I R
Notes: If you’re offended, leave it in the comments, not my email inbox.  Thank you in advance.

So I wish I knew how to embed youtube videos in my blog, because I find the oddest, funniest, and coolest videos that I have no idea how to show except to link you the way I did with the  song above.   But for now, I’ll be satisfied with linking you.  It’s better than nothing, right?  I hope so.

I’ve been surfing the web tonight, and I’d like to give you guys some more links to check out, from people who were also in the adult industry, in many different forms.  Strippers like JCs Girls, hookers like Annie Lebert, even porn addicts like XXX Church.  It’s all really interesting to me, because for an industry that touts helping people accept their sexuality, on top of earning billions of dollars a year, so many people are coming out to say that it was killing them.  Makes a person wonder, no?

Oh, make no mistake, I’m not here to preach… not in the slightest way.  I think I don’t really have a lot to say about it, because I’m still in the life, and have been for a long while.  Of course, those who are True Christians™ will say I’m going to hell, and those who were Really Bad™ will say because I’ve never sold my body for money that I’m not really included in the adult industry.  Phone sex operators are a weird bunch, really, caught in the middle of not good enough and not nearly bad enough to be included in any group.  It’s a weird caste system, the adult industry.  Oddly enough, just like the church.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to quit, badly.  I’ve wanted to quit for about 8 months now, for my own reasons… but the thing about it is really simple:  The electric company doesn’t listen to, “Jesus told me to quit my job.”

I’ve been told (and I’m not embellishing at all) by Christians and Ministers alike, “Just quit your job!  Who cares if your car is repossessed? God will provide for you!  Who cares if you can’t pay your rent, at least you’re not working in the industry anymore.”

Let me tell you something, that’s easy for you to say when you get a steady check every two weeks from your 9 to 5, and all your bills are paid.  It’s really easy to tell someone else to  screw up their life and credit, in the monetary sense, and quit a job with nothing else on the horizon.  How do I look, needing 3 grand a month to survive, and quitting my job to go work at McDonald’s for $800.00 a month?  I’ve had people say, “Just ask your parents for the money!”

“Okay, dummy, why don’t I do that,” I want to say, “and while I’m at it, why don’t I just subtract 14 years off my age so I can be in junior high school again?”

  On top of that, because it is super cool not to care about anyone else’s financial situation as long as your own is covered… super cool.

I’m not saying God doesn’t provide, don’t get me wrong.  I am saying that everyone’s situation isn’t the same.  Maybe his plan for me is to work and transition myself out, like I am doing.  I’m quite sure his plan isn’t for me and everyone around me to go broke while trying to keep up with my bills and obligations.  I’m quite sure of that one.

I mean… man… we’ve all got a story, and although they sometimes sound alike, they are all different, because we are all different.  So let me do this my way, and please, for God’s sake, don’t send me another email or message on myspace telling me about how I’m going to hell.  I can’t tell you anything about how this is gonna work out, but I can tell you for sure, one thing that isn’t going to happen is me going to hell.  Thank you for your love and concern though, seriously.

The adult industry is one, that oddly enough, usually provides a person just enough to get by, seriously.  Don’t ever let anyone play you and tell you that it’s easy to get rich off of it, because it isn’t easy.  Not by a long shot.  For example, if you go on the right places in places like Craiglist, you can find ads that companies post, saying things like, “Make up to $4,000.00 a month!  Work at home, simple, easy adult chat line, looking for talkative women with great personalities!  Call [number] and leave a message!”

Let me tell you something, seriously (and sometime I will really break it down and prove it to you, but for now…) there is no way anyone is going to make $4,000.00 in a month working a phone sex line.  The truth is, unless you’re a pretty high profile adult model or porn star, you’re not making that kind of money either.  Hookers, unless they are “call girls” (which is just a pretty name for girls who charge more because they have all their teeth and great bodies) , even have a difficult time making that type of money.

I’ll tell you who’s making that money and above though – A pimp.  You can call it whatever the heck you want to call it, I call it pimping.  Whether it’s a big dude who will knock your teeth out when he wants to do so, or a huge company that takes more than 85% of the revenue you make for them while you whore your voice out, it doesn’t matter, it’s a pimp.    $24.00 an hour sounds like a lot, until you realise you’re making the company $300.00 an hour.

That is pimping.  Starving people by giving them a somewhat impressive salary, and hiding how much they are making you with every disgusting word they say… that is pimping.

By the way, any ladies here looking for advice on getting started, I’m just gonna tell you the truth:  Even if you do find a company that pays “up to $24 .00 an hour,” you’re not going to make it.   Just FYI.  I’m sure I’ll tell you why another day, just for now, know that you’re probably going to make $10.00 or less an hour, and most likely it will be less.  I also advise you, if you think you won’t care or that you don’t need to worry about it, you’ll just be one more in the line of silly women who are getting pimped.  Don’t make this your slogan:

I’m not angry anymore, I’m not bitter… I’m just putting the truth out there.  I’m tired of people lying.  Phone sex operators all over will tell you what a great gig it is, and the truth is, it’s not a great gig.  It’s disgusting, you’re treated like a cooch without a brain, they talk to you whatever little way they want to that day, say things that affect your sex drive and your normal life, and you get a paltry, piddly, penny-ante check to compensate you for your trouble. 

I’m quitting.  Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but trust, I won’t be doing this too much longer.

Questions For You: 08:29:2007

Yes, you.

Mood: Curious
Listening To: Alive – Celine Dion
Notes: I’d actually like answers to the questions I pose tonight, so if you have the cajones, comment or message me on myspace. All the links open in new windows, so enjoy them!

1. Why does everyone on I Can Has Cheezburger stop typing in plain english when they comment on a photo? Is it a requirement to comment in broken english and badly spelled words in order to place your stamp on their site? Seriously, it’s a cute photo, but I looked down the 20,000 comments and every. single. one. of them was written like a differently mentally abled cow wrote it- not a fat lady, an actual cow. Andy at MisanthropyToday wrote about it too, but for vastly different reasons than my own, I’m just here to ask why people lose the ability to spell when they visit the blog.

2. If you’re sore the day after the gym, should you still go? I’m getting conflicting pieces of advice. I’ve heard that yes you should go, because the muscles are damaged anyway, which helps you build them [which is not what I’m trying to do]. I’ve heard that no you should not go, and give yourself 48 hours to recover… or something. I wasn’t really listening closely to that piece of advice because I had a piece of pie in my throat.

I’m joking about the pie.

3. Owen Wilson attempted suicide? Why didn’t anyone tell me about it? I guess most people were too busy worrying about a suspected closet case beating his wife, speculating on her faith, and the amount of money they spent on a wedding to think about someone actually trying to quit life. I don’t know why that makes me so … ugh… but it does. So is he alright? Can anyone shed some light on what happened for me?

4. Why are people so happy that Juanita Bynum was attacked? This, above all (even more than the magic incantation on I Can Has Cheezburger which causes people to lose their grammatical control), shocks and saddens me. I can’t believe how many haters are out there! Women, mostly, talking about Juanita Bynum like a dog. Haters! Can anyone tell me when the population of haters outnumbered the number of real, down-to-earth folks? When did that happen? I mean, in my life, I have never seen people so open, and so ready to call someone fake and false, not knowing what’s in their heart… so ready to say she deserved it, who deserves to get beaten by a spouse? Can anyone tell me when the haters started procreating so aggressively? Katt Williams was right.

So those are my questions. I’m going to work in about two hours, so I’ll be back with another, lengthier blog about the perverts who call me and how much I feel sorry for them [or dislike them, depending upon my mood at the end of my shift].

Drop me a line and answer my questions if you’ve got the time!

– Geisha